Subject: The Joys of Depression (^_^)! And Happy Mother's Day Week!

Sent: Saturday, May 5, 2012 9:09 AM by Godluvu99@yahoo.com

Subject: The Joys of Depression (^_^)! And Happy Mother's Day Week!

Good morning Sweeties!

Love you all and I thank the Lord for you! Last night during fellowship, I was so challenged and convicted when a buddy asked, "Why does God give us trials?"

I used to think that I was a pretty mature, spiritual Christian. After all, I grew up in church, led Bible studies since high school (then in college, while working/married/now!), was a part of the worship team/fellowships/Awana/children's ministry, is a deacon's wife and Pastor's daughter in law! But the past 3 months journey into disaster (depression) woke me up to the fact that I'm a christian gal of little faith, and lots of pride!

There's a saying that "A Christian is like a teabag. You don't know what they're made of until you put them in hot water", or "Trials don't make you or break you, they merely reveal you." I used to think I'm Hokkaido Honey Milk Tea (Soph's favorite ), but during this trial/depression, God showed me that I'm actually Taiwanese Bitter Melon Tea!

When I was not able to function, I was so bitter and complained, "Lord, I did ALL THESE THINGS to you and never did anything 'wrong'! Why are you making me so misearble? No one else I know (or my peers) suffered like this! "

The Lord lovingly replied, "I know the plans I have for you,plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future." [And He put this verse in my heart every day since 2/4/12 to Today].

I said, "Lord, what kind of plan is this? I am unable to function cognitively and physically, I am at the end of my rope, I think I'm going to give up and do something to myself to end this pain/misery."

He gently replied, "Do you love me?"

"Of course I do!!"

"Then Be still and know that I am God. “In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength".

"Repent of WHAT? And I've been serving in fellowships, Children's nursery, worship team, Awana, Children's worship; Hubby counted church offering for 2 years and led VBS for 2+ years! We put the kids in Awana/Sunday school, and teach them your words! I am doing these for you, don't you see how much I love you?"

Lovingly He said,

For I desire mercy, not sacrifice, and acknowledgment of God rather than burnt offerings."

"Lord.... What does that mean?" I asked. 

Well, precious child. I know your heart and you want to do these things to serve me. But let me show you what is far, far better than this! You are weary and tired, subconsciously doing all these things that you think pleases me. And they are wonderful things no doubt. But what I desire is that you acknowledge (seek, obey) me every morning and ask me what plans I have for you THIS day. Only one day is sufficient, and I give you the manna of wisdom/power/ clarity/love needed for this day.

Just love me and spend time with me DAILY, and your day will not be busy, frustrating, weary, stressed out. I also desire mercy (compassion, forgiveness) far more than anything anyone can offer me. For I also said, Love your neighbor as yourself. That means forgiving them anytime, anywhere when they (including your hubby, son, daughter, mom, dad, neighbor, friends, coworkers, the guy at Pavillions or the one who cut you off when you went to Irvine yesterday) offend you (in speech, in action, in attitude).

"Wow, that's a tall order, Lord!"

"Well, that's why I'm here for you, child! If you could do all things on your own, then you would not acknowledge me or need my supernatural power (Holy Spirit) to work within you, would you?"

"Yeah, I didn't for the longest time. I was so busy/distracted 'doing' things, and mostly did things my way and bossed my hubby/kids around. I guess I didn't handle the place of power/authority (as a parent, especially) too well. That's why I get depressed so easily, esp. when they don't do/act/behave the way I want them to, when I want them to. I guess my 'love' was really self-seeking....and I cannot give my kids/hubby/others TRUE unconditional love unless I receive and experience God's agape love and mercy first!"

"Well, love them with all your heart without expecting them to repay you with hugs/praises/good grades/performance. Remember yesterday when you resisted the urge to scream back at Caleb (though he screamed at you all the way to school), let it go when hubby complained the veggie you cooked were too soft/hard/salty/bland, or gently wiped Abbie's nose after her meltdown without getting back at her insults? THAT, to me, is SACRIFICE.....that is Victory. You showed love and obedience me to me even when you were offended...and THAT to me, is mercy (loving neighbors) and acknolwedging (loving) me. You leaned on me (the Holy Spirit) to overcome your Flesh! It's the heart I'm after, sweet child, not the action (outward rule observing or even serving). Follow me daily, let go of your dreams/plans/natural reaction to offenses, meditate on My Word to give you strength and wisdom, and I will make your life truly abundant. THEN ~ ~ ~ PARTY WILL REALLY BEGIN!!!"

__________________________________

What a PRECIOUS revelation! I thank the Lord today for the FAITH (Fantastic Adventure In Trusting Him) journey the last 3 months! God showed me my perfectionism is a result of my FEAR (of kids straying/failing, or me not measuring up to other moms) and my controlling/unforgiving attitude is a results of my PRIDE (I'm better/know what's better for you than you/plan better)!

Thank you all for your patience, prayers and persistence in encouraging me when I was at my worst. Now I know that I am no better than any murderer out there, because in my heart I've killed a thousand times. Confessing the anger and pride in my heart had totally lifted me out of this dark cave and helped me soar like an eagle that glides freely above the beautiful trails by my house in Ladera's Cleveland National forest. I used to envy these eagles....they have no cares of the world and soar so peacefully in circles....... Now Soph experienced how wonderful that is! Because the Lord has taught me, "My yoke is easy, and my burden is light." Why? Because Soph not the one carrying it!

So now I think about the question last night, "Why does God give us trials?"

Soph: So that she can experience first hand and deeply how REAL and LOVING her God is! He's not here to torture or test us, or ask me to put Abbie and Caleb on the alter/freeway/railroad track to see if I will really cut them in half. He is actually showing me thru my trials how weak and faithless I am. Yet in the midst of my failings, He loves me and forgives me, and HEALS me while I am still struggling and sinning! He showed me deep His love is for me, as broken and messed up as I am! Good thing I didn't do anything dumb to myself during spring break! If I did, I'd REALLY miss out, 'cuz He healed me 3 days after we returned from our spring break Tahoe trip!!!!

Hugs and Happy Mother's Day Week to my BELOVED! THANK YOU for your prayers!

Grateful Soph

(p.s. Tonight [5/5/12], the biggest and brightest full moon of the year arrives!as our celestial neighbor passes closer to Earth than usual.Saturday's event is a "supermoon," the closest and therefore the biggest and brightest full moon of the year! http://news.yahoo.com/look-sky-supermoon-due-saturday-155940554.html. I feel like this is a gift and renewed covenant from the Lord , just as the rainbow was shown to Noah after the flood....that God loves us so deeply and tenderly, that in our worst shape, He still hangs the most beautiful moon for us to BEHOLD to show His unending love and compassion to us! )

But He said to me, “My Grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made Perfect in Weakness.”

Soph Realizes What's Driving her Depression! (^_^)

From: Sophie Tsai godluvu99@yahoo.com on Friday, April 20, 2012 1:35 PM

Hi Dears,

I realized that I am depressed not only because of weaning off my meds too early and the stresses of surgery/motherhood, but also that my thought pattern/negative thinking is causing me to feel miserable. My inability to let go of trying to be perfect and expecting everyone else to be perfect (hubby, kids, and in the past, my dad)....and also wanting to control everyone elses' schedules, attitudes, reactions, behavior....Boy, that's a lot of burden to carry around!

So the hilarious topics (if you have time, go in the link and to the broadcast category, it's so funny and everything she said was like talking to me!) helped me immensely. Definately Soph needs to ask God to forgive her for being so proud and 'playing God', and I need to also forgive others and not be bitter/resentful when people are not perfect or not do things 'my' way. CAleb's mouthing off and disrespectful behavior has made me subconsciously angry at him, and not wanting to be around him, but I learned that I need to forgive him 'cuz I'm also hard to live with many times too! And also be merciful 'cuz he may have had a bad day or is stressed about something.

So confessing these mental/attitude sins has lifted me of these burdens these couple days and I'm enjoying a better relationship with the Lord. It is not easy, God showed me my pride and perfectionism, and it is wrong because God is the only one who is perfect and sinless. He forgave me and I need to remember I'm redeemed by his blood for my mental/visible sins too, so I need to forgive others too! And though sometimes we don't 'feel' like being kind and merciful, we are called to just obey God and do the right thing no matter what others do to us or say to us (which may be offensive)....and the feelings will follow .

I've been watching videos of a Christian speaker/author/counselor named Joyce Meyer. She is now in her 60's. She had been through lots of trials in life and was sexually abused by her dad for 10+ years when she was young. She overcame lots of struggles and speaks everywhere in the world now. She is hilarious and her talks are very very applicable and helpful. It woke me up to the fact that I wasn't submitting/confessing my negative mental/attitudes sins (anger, perfectionism, self-pity, envy, controlling, etc.) to the Lord. www.joycemeyer.org

It's so good to be able to share my heart w/you sweeties! You are so precious and I am thankful for friends like you. Please take good care of yourself and keep on trusting the Lord, praying to Him, and read a couple of verses when you can. His Word really has the power to help us restore our relationship w/Him, and also help us overcome our weaknesses and help us live peacefully with others. I'm learning this hour by hour...

Hugs and see you soon!

Soph

But He said to me, “My Grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made Perfect in Weakness.”

Soph's New Journey & Our Beloved Buddies Surprises Us Again!!

YUMMY!! I love this!! I ate Snow White right away!

It has been a long time since I blogged, and I am so thankful to the Lord for carrying me in His arms daily and providing me with loving friends who are supporting me as I go through the relapse of postpartum depression (ever since Super Bowl Sunday). It could be the laparascopy surgery for the ovarian cyst from Christmas that sparked the relapse, or my reducing my previous antidepressant too quickly. We're not sure what caused this sudden relapse, but I am so thankful that our Lord never leaves or forsakes us, and He will help us through whatever trials we are facing. In the meantime, I am waiting upon the Lord and taking one step at a time, one day at a time.

Amazing Cartoon Characters, Uncle George!

Church sisters were very supportive and came to walk with me, pray for me, take me out to lunch, encourage me during fellowship and Sunday worship time, and emailed me encouragements. Family members supported me as well as neighbors who encouraged me. Even my beloved friends from New York sent care cookies and homemade chocolate blueberry muffins shaped like Thor, Captain America, Incredible Hulk, Shrek, and Cinnamon sticks bread shaped like Snow White and the 7 Dwarfs!

I can't wait to open the box!

What a blessing it is to be loved by all these friends, family, and loved ones. The Lord bless you and Thank you for being by my side during this challenging time. I am so blessed!

Smiley Cookies from Julie and G!

Soph's Prayer Request for 2012 ~ Postpartum Depression returned!

On Mon, Feb 13, 2012 at 4:28 PM, Sophie Tsai <godluvu99@yahoo.com> wrote:

Dearest Beloved,

About 9 days ago, my depression (in remission for about 5 years) surprisingly came back! It caught me off guard and a cloud of hopelessness, inability to make decisions/concentrate and numbness/lack of motivation swept over me. I don't know what happened, whether it is my December encounter with my dad (which didn't go well ~ subconsciously affected me?), or was my body weak from laprascopy, or I had tried to wean off my Paxil (antidepressant) last month and my body is now suffering from withdrawal....But whatever it is, the past few days I've spent lots of time in God's Word, claiming His promises, and praying for God's peace that surpasses understanding. With hubby's love, care, and cooking for the family, I am going to cling to God's promise that He never leaves or forsakes me, no matter how I may feel at the present time. I will be seeing my psychiatrist next Tuesday to evaluate my current situation/medication dosage. This Wednesday,I will go to OB to have Mirena Intra-Uterine device placed in the uterus to prevent future cysts from growing back (maybe this procedure was a stressor too...I would need this device, which releases chemicals monthly, placed in the uterus until I reach menopause).

In the midst of this emotional (or emotion-less) storm, I was forced to slow down and focus on what is really important. There is the temptation to panic, since I have trouble remembering things or make decisions lately, and feel a cloud of hopelessness I cannot shake off, but I am making a willful choice to keep on trusting the Lord and not worry/whine/get angry/self-pity but do my part to get medical help, exercise lots, eat healthy, and also obey the Lord and be thankful in all circumstances. Please keep me in your prayers......

There are many distractions in this life, and lately I've had to re-prioritize and do only what is most important. God is soverign, compassionate, and merciful, and He will take care of us, even if we are weak, disoriented, feel unworthy (we're not!) and feel like giving up at times. I will continue to pray for you, and all of my beloved family members, that we stand firm and not be discouraged when we are faced with challenges we may not understand fully. May the Lord continue to heal, protect, and hold you in His loving embrace! He who began a good work in us will be faithful to complete it!!

I love you all!

Sophie

Hello Kitty & Canadian Geese ~ Abbie's Favorite things!

Abbie's Dream Comes True! She's Surrounded by Feathered Friends!

After I had recovered steadily from the lap surgery, it was time to go back to the routines in life....which included taking Kobee bird for his quarterly wing/nail trimming! Abbie faithfully came with me every time, so this time I decided to give her a BIG surprise!

Help! Don't Peck My Shoe!

En route to an appointment in Lake Forest, I got lost one time and ended up in a residential street. I peered to the right and was amazed to see glittering water with Canadian geese all over the place! It was a beautiful duck pond filled with hundreds of waterfowl!

Let Me Try to Pet You.....Slowly......Slowly........Touch down!

So en route to Omar's for Kobee bird's trim, I stopped at the pond and took out a 4-lb bag of Mizuri Avian Maintenance pellets (super healthy, super expensive) we had leftover from our adventure with Quacker duck. Abbie was thrilled and I believe that pictures/videos speak a thousands words (^_^) ~ Voila! And watch out for Hungry, Honking, Poopy, and People-Chasing Geese!




After our fun feeding fest, we took Kobee to Omar's, then had Abbie's favorite Teriyaki Chicken Bento at the Japanese restaurant next door!

Over the Martin Luther King holiday, we also went to Abbie's friend Ailie's 7th Birthday Cooking Party! Abbie loves to cook and I'm slowly building up my courage for her to 'help' me in our kitchen! Here, she was able to make and bake with help from 'real' chefs! She made the first Hello Kitty Pizza I've seen in my life! It's really cool!!

Abbie's Hello Kitty in the works! Chef Abbie loves making it!

Voila! Hello Kitty after going thru Refiner's Fire! (^_^) Delicious!

According to Abbie, the pizza tasted REALLY good!
Next time, let mama try a bite (^_^)!

Going to Kiddie Birthday parties has become a rite of passage for kids and parents alike! Though life is busy/hectic, we take this time to especially bless and celebrate their special day as they grow in beauty, wisdom, and in the Lord's love and care. May the Lord watch over all of our Loved One's Little Ones! (^_^)

Abbie and the Birthday Girl ~ Ailie! (^_^)

A Baby Cousin ~ Our Kids' First Experience with a Big Bundle! (^_^)

Siblings Hold Baby Cousin Elie!

Yeay! I'm a Big Sister!! Elie is 6 weeks old!

On Martin Luther King holiday, the kids and I visited their baby cousin Elie and 4.5 yr old cousin Kyle! They were very excited to see their cousin for the first time! Auntie Debbie looked great and worked hard around the clock to care for baby Elie and family!

Uh-Oh, What do I do??? She doesn't look too happy!?!

There, Now I'm Getting Good at Baby holding!

The kids held a REAL baby for the 1st time in their lives [except Caleb, who held Abbie 6+ years ago, but I think he forgot (^_^)!] Caleb was worried at first, but then became quiet good at holding baby!

Glad we got a picture of ALL 4 of them together!

1-2-3- FLIP!!

It's so fun to crawl on Auntie Debbie's Sofa!

The Kids loved playing on the sofa with Kyle and hanging out together! We all had a delicious lunch afterwards!

Grandma Kathy proudly holds Sweet Grand-daughter Elie!

God bless you sweet Sister and family! Congratulations and you are all in our prayers! It's a tough stage but it is the biggest blessing from our Lord. You are in our prayers!

Eliana 18 hours old! She's a Beautiful Cutie Pie!!

We thank the Lord (and Sis Debbie!) for a brand new baby to hold and love!

Abbie learns how to change a REAL baby's diaper!